The Frustrations in My Life Imagined. . . At Least One of Them

In my "What Is Your Faction?" blog, I promised to follow up on comments that I made in it in future blogs.  I covered the "Mom's Night Out" comment in my last blog. . . in this one, I'll explain why I think I was so grumpy that day.

Besides the fact that they're famous American authors, what do Herman Melville, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Zora Neale Hurston have in common?  All three of them wrote what most would deem now great American novels (Moby Dick, The Great Gatsby, and Their Eyes Were Watching God) that didn't sell all that well during their lifetimes but were rediscovered later and became widely praised and often studied classics.  I was never sadistic enough as an English teacher to assign more than an excerpt of Moby Dick - most print versions are over 500 pages - but I did teach and love the other two.  And I always found it sad that those authors poured so much of themselves into what they felt was a great accomplishment. . . and for the general literary public not to get that until after they had died.

Now, let me make one major disclaimer: my first novel, Time and Tide, is NOT Moby Dick, The Great Gatsby, or Their Eyes Were Watching God.  I don't know that I'm capable of writing "the great American novel," but I wasn't shooting for that when I wrote it. . . I was shooting for writing a really good young adult novel, the purpose of which was, as my former colleague Randy Smith says about many of the plays that he does with his students, "to entertain an audience."  

Did I achieve that goal?  That's not for me to say - but based on the feedback I've gotten personally and through the Amazon reviews (albeit most of which were written by people who know me personally and aren't likely to give the book a 1-star review), other people seem to think I did.  However, try as I might, I just can't get many people to buy it. . . and I'm frustrated.

I don't expect people who don't read to buy it.  Although I've been told that it's a book that even reluctant readers will enjoy (you can go to Amazon and read June Cox's review for evidence of this claim). . . well, if someone who taught English and assigned reading for 26 years doesn't get that not everyone reads, no one should.  

My point of frustration - and if this applies to you, I'm sorry. . . just keepin' it real - is with those who I KNOW are reading and still aren't giving my book a chance.  I get their notifications on Goodreads. . . I see their posts on Facebook.  They've been reading since the book was published. . . they just aren't reading MY book, and quite frankly, it's hard not to take it personally.  Do they have so little confidence in my ability as a writer that they won't take a chance on something I've written?  How am I supposed to reach any other conclusion?

And I'd probably be less frustrated if I weren't getting such positive feedback from those who have read it. . . I'd just think that even though I was happy with it when I finished it and even though I'm my own worst critic and even though I'm pretty good at ripping what other people wrote on occasion (just ask my former students!), it wasn't a very good piece of writing.  However, that's not what I'm reading and hearing.  So apparently, I've done the job decently well, and I just can't get very many people to give it or me a shot.  And yes, that's INCREDIBLY frustrating.  It also doesn't make the process of writing the follow-up novel any easier. . . many of those who have read Time and Tide are chomping at the bit for me to finish and publish The Best of Times, and I'm close to completing the first draft.  However, as I've sat and plugged away at 2:00 A. M. and averaged about five hours a night of sleep during my summer vacation to get that first draft finished before I start my new job, a little voice in my head keeps saying, "Why bother?  Hardly anybody's buying Time and Tide, anyway."  I ignore the voice and keep working, and I'm going to write the third book in my planned trilogy regardless. . . the ISBNs are paid for, so it won't cost me anything except my time.  Besides, I owe that to myself and to the fans of what will eventually be a series.  However, that stupid little voice does generate a lot of frustration that I could live without.

So. . . am I asking you to read the book to keep me from being frustrated?  No.  I'm asking you to read it because other people who have read it have enjoyed it. . . and quite frankly, if I didn't think it was worth your time, I never would have published it in the first place. Read the pages at Amazon, and read the reviews.  They should encourage you.  Even if you don't have a Kindle, you can use the Kindle app on your phone to read it, and it will cost you a whopping $2.99.  (It's also available in print in on Nook, by the way.)

In my life imagined, I'm a writer.  Let's hope that at some point, the buying public will give some credence to that imagination.