The Myth of "Mom's Night Out"
This afternoon, I'm getting some WiFi writing time while my mom is at the dentist in Martinez. Not surprisingly, this means I'm sitting at Starbucks and sipping a cinnamon dolce latte as I type away on the laptop. . . I've concluded that my best place for creativity is Starbucks and that my best time for creativity is between midnight and 2:00 A. M. (That's part of the reason that I'm trying my best to finish The Best of Times, the follow-up to Time and Tide, before school and pre-7:30 departure times re-enter my life in a few weeks.) I'm doing this without any sense of guilt whatsoever this afternoon because I'm being a dutiful daughter on this trip away from home and kids. Other trips when I'm out just for a mom's day or night out? Not so much.
I mentioned in my last blog that I'd clarify later why I think I'm avoiding the movie Mom's Night Out: for me, there's really no such thing. Even though I do breathe that deep sigh of relief that goes along with "me" time when I back the car out of the driveway and go somewhere that I want to go and do something I want to do. . . and even though those times are an integral part of this introvert's sanity, I can't shake a sense of guilt when I do it. Logically, I know that time to myself makes me a better wife and mother. . . I think that's true of all wives and mothers, and I've always had tremendous need for "alone time" (that may be true of almost everyone who grows up without siblings living in the same house). However, emotion and logic don't always go together; all I know is that I constantly mourn the time I miss with my children during the school year, and a part of me feels extremely hypocritical and selfish when I leave them to do something completely self-focused. I usually head to Augusta for those times out, and I rarely make it much farther than the Appling-Harlem exit before a stress/guilt-inflicted headache hits.
Yes, I realize that I didn't stop being a person when I had children. . . yes, I realize that on days like I had a couple of weeks ago, getting away and surrounding myself with quiet give me that "deep breath" time that I need. I also understand the expression "familiarity breeds contempt" - and even though I never feel contempt for Price and Mariah, I'll admit that familiarity can breed impatience on occasion. :-) That's why I'm quick to send Claude out for alone time when I see those signs in him. So why do I have such a hard time giving myself a break when I'd be the first to tell any other mother or father who's home with the kids full-time, "You have to have time to yourself"? Do I just have higher expectations for myself than I do everybody else? It's possible. One of my former students once told me that my "problem" (and he didn't say this critically) was that I wasn't satisfied with being a "good" anything, that I wanted to be a great teacher, a great mother, a great everything - and that's why I got frustrated when I was only good (and I'll say what he wouldn't have said. . . or subpar). I'm also waaaaaay too guilty of forgetting the truth of Philippians 4:13 and doing it all on my own. . . and I'm just not that good at juggling.
The long and short of it. . . I'm just probably not going to find it entertaining to sit and watch a movie called Mom's Night Out that will, instead of providing me an escape, perpetually remind me that I'm away from the kids for the two hours or so that I'm watching it. I'll just wait until it comes out on DVD and watch it between midnight and 2:00 A. M. while I'm writing and the kids are asleep. Then the laughs will be guilt-free.
I mentioned in my last blog that I'd clarify later why I think I'm avoiding the movie Mom's Night Out: for me, there's really no such thing. Even though I do breathe that deep sigh of relief that goes along with "me" time when I back the car out of the driveway and go somewhere that I want to go and do something I want to do. . . and even though those times are an integral part of this introvert's sanity, I can't shake a sense of guilt when I do it. Logically, I know that time to myself makes me a better wife and mother. . . I think that's true of all wives and mothers, and I've always had tremendous need for "alone time" (that may be true of almost everyone who grows up without siblings living in the same house). However, emotion and logic don't always go together; all I know is that I constantly mourn the time I miss with my children during the school year, and a part of me feels extremely hypocritical and selfish when I leave them to do something completely self-focused. I usually head to Augusta for those times out, and I rarely make it much farther than the Appling-Harlem exit before a stress/guilt-inflicted headache hits. Yes, I realize that I didn't stop being a person when I had children. . . yes, I realize that on days like I had a couple of weeks ago, getting away and surrounding myself with quiet give me that "deep breath" time that I need. I also understand the expression "familiarity breeds contempt" - and even though I never feel contempt for Price and Mariah, I'll admit that familiarity can breed impatience on occasion. :-) That's why I'm quick to send Claude out for alone time when I see those signs in him. So why do I have such a hard time giving myself a break when I'd be the first to tell any other mother or father who's home with the kids full-time, "You have to have time to yourself"? Do I just have higher expectations for myself than I do everybody else? It's possible. One of my former students once told me that my "problem" (and he didn't say this critically) was that I wasn't satisfied with being a "good" anything, that I wanted to be a great teacher, a great mother, a great everything - and that's why I got frustrated when I was only good (and I'll say what he wouldn't have said. . . or subpar). I'm also waaaaaay too guilty of forgetting the truth of Philippians 4:13 and doing it all on my own. . . and I'm just not that good at juggling.
The long and short of it. . . I'm just probably not going to find it entertaining to sit and watch a movie called Mom's Night Out that will, instead of providing me an escape, perpetually remind me that I'm away from the kids for the two hours or so that I'm watching it. I'll just wait until it comes out on DVD and watch it between midnight and 2:00 A. M. while I'm writing and the kids are asleep. Then the laughs will be guilt-free.
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